🌻 May half term: activities and events

Author

Jeff – Dads in London
May 20, 2024

Hello, you!

Thank you for ticking the “yes” box for receiving this extra newsletter. It made me feel seen, appreciated, valued, loved, and all those other words Oprah uses. The fact that I get my validation from a “Do you want deets about May half term?” poll doesn’t put me in the best light, I’ll admit. But as the queen of media herself said once, “Speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.” 

On that rambling, nonsensical note, let’s get started! To make things more interesting for this one-of-a-kind newsletter, I’ve asked Chat GPT to summarise each activity as a different style of writing. 

‘SCUSE THE CAPS LOCK BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT: many of these events and activities will be fully booked very quickly, so get clicking! 

Jeff xx

PS This list contains activities that are specifically taking place in or over half term, rather than generic things that also happen to be available during half term. I know that means it’s not as comprehensive as it could be, but I didn’t think anyone would want an email that’s War-and-Peace-y in length. 

Hampton Court Gardens, Hampton Court Way, Molesey, KT8 9AU
25 May–1 June, 12:00 and 15:00 daily
Adults (16+) £15; children (2–15): £9

In the style of Ricky Gervais: 

Alright, folks, listen up! Horrible Histories is back at Henry VIII's Tudor palace. Yeah, that’s right, the fat bloke with all the wives. I mean, talk about commitment issues – the guy chopped off more heads than a guillotine factory. 

So, you roll up to this grand palace, and what do they tell you? “Bring a picnic.” Yeah, because nothing says “historical education” like squashed sandwiches and warm lemonade. Or, if you’re lazy like me, just grab some overpriced crap from the cafe. Relax and laugh at Britain’s bonkers past – as if the present isn't mental enough. 

Now, if you’re a “Rotten Royals” ticket holder, you get an exclusive discount. Ooh, exclusive! Because nothing screams royalty like a 10% off voucher. 

You’ve got the whole palace to explore. Let the kids run wild in the Magic Garden. It’s called “magic” because they disappear, and you can actually get five minutes' peace. Get lost in the Maze – kind of like your career after university. Then there’s the Tudor Kitchens. Imagine cooking without Deliveroo – those poor bastards. 

And the gardens – yeah, they’re spectacular. Perfect for sitting down and pretending you’re not completely knackered from dragging the kids around all day. 

So, come on down, have a laugh, learn a bit, and enjoy a day out at Henry VIII's palace. Just remember, no matter how bad your day gets, at least you’re not married to that psychopath.

Thursday 30 May (Memory Maps), 11:00 and 14:00; Friday 31 May (Object Detectives), 11:00 and 14:00
Gunnersbury Park House, Popes Lane, W5 4NH
FREE

In the style of a corporate email: 

Subject: Synergise Your Family Engagements with Gunnersbury Park & Museum’s Value-Added Events

Dear Valued Stakeholder,

We are excited to leverage this communication to inform you about two upcoming family-centric initiatives at Gunnersbury Park & Museum that are strategically designed to enhance experiential learning and cross-generational interaction.

30 May: Memory Maps

Maximise your family’s creative capital by participating in our “Memory Maps” session. This initiative encourages participants to amalgamate personal and imagined memories, culminating in a high-impact, visually engaging collage that fosters narrative cohesion and intergenerational connectivity.

31 May: Object Detectives

Optimise your visit with “Object Detectives”, an immersive, hands-on exploration of our museum’s curated artefacts. This program empowers attendees to engage in critical analysis and problem-solving by decoding clues related to the artefacts' origins, composition, and historical context. Facilitated by our knowledgeable volunteer team, this event includes a guided drawing and writing activity designed to enhance cognitive and creative skills.

Operational Details:

  • Entry is cost-neutral, with a suggested voluntary contribution of £2 per child to support our sustainability goals.

  • Adult participation is fully subsidised.

  • This is a drop-in event, eliminating the need for pre-event registration.

  • All minor participants must be accompanied by a responsible adult to ensure compliance with safety protocols.

  • The target demographic for these activities includes children aged 5 years and above.

  • We are confident that these events will deliver significant value to your family engagement strategy. We look forward to your active participation in these high-value experiences.

Best regards,

Jeff Jefferson

Vice President of Strategic Alignment

Gunnersbury Park & Museum

Find out more: https://www.visitgunnersbury.org/whats-on/ (filter for “Children & Families” to see the two events at the top)

28–30 May at 10:30, 12:15 and 14:00
No1 Warehouse, West India Quay, E14 4AL
FREE

In the style of a telegram: 

URGENT STOP ASSIST SIXTIES EAST END SEAMSTRESS SADIE STOP CREATE AMAZING OUTFIT FOR EMPEROR OF ROCK STOP LISTEN TO STORY OF HIS DISASTROUS NEW CLOTHES STOP IMMERSIVE STORYTELLING EXPERIENCE STOP DON'T MISS THIS STOP

Queen Elizabeth Hall, Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
31 May to 2 June, 11:00, 14:30 and 18:30
£14–£19.50

In the style of a rap: 

Yo, families, gather 'round, the stage is set,
For a hip-hop tale you won't forget.
BAC Beatbox Academy’s back, it's true,
With a brand new musical just for you.

Pied Piper’s the name, a tale re-spun,
Medieval vibes with a mic and fun.
The town’s kids are in a serious bind,
Mayor and pie boss banned music, rats in a grind.

Talented cast, beats so sick,
Special guests makin' the plot thick.
Pied Piper’s here, to save the day,
Hip-hop magic, come join the play.

Until 9 June, 11:30 and 14:30 (excluding certain days)
240 The Broadway, Wimbledon, SW19 1SB
Adults from £11; children from £10; under-1s (babe in arms) free; booking fee £2.50

In the style of Sherlock Holmes: 

Ah, Watson, the world of dinosaurs presents a mystery worthy of our intellect. Have you pondered what these magnificent creatures did in their daily existence? Were they adorned with stripes, spots, or perhaps hues yet unseen?

We shall join a quintet of exceptional musicians and the distinguished palaeontologist Dr Jakob Vinther. Together, we will delve into the vibrant, multi-coloured realm of dinosaurs. The game is afoot, and knowledge awaits! Elementary, my dear Watson!

Quick interruption (it'll only take a sec)

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Roald Dahl’s The Enormous Crocodile (musical) at Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre

Until 8 June; various times (not every day)
The Regent's Park, Inner Cir, NW1 4NU
Adults and children from £15

In the style of a customer complaint: 

Dear RPOAT (I’m glad you never use that acronym, because it would be the stupidest acronym EVER), 

I am writing to express my extreme frustration after attending The Enormous Crocodile with my child. I have never regretted a family outing more in my life!

First off, the storyline about the enormous crocodile hunting for "delicious little fingers and squidgy podgy knees" has turned my child into a relentless, crocodile-obsessed maniac. Day and night, all I hear about is the blasted crocodile’s secret plans and how the other jungle animals foil his every move. My house is now a chaotic jungle thanks to this performance!

The puppets – oh, the puppets! Every single character was a puppet, and now my child insists on turning every object in our home into one. Chairs, spoons, socks – nothing is safe from becoming part of this never-ending reenactment. The constant, ear-piercing screeches and nonsensical dialogues between these "puppets" are driving me up the wall.

I expected a fun, entertaining experience. Instead, I’m in a never-ending nightmare. My child’s obsession with this over-the-top, chaotic production has pushed me to the brink. Thanks a lot, RPOAT (urgh), for turning my once peaceful home into a puppet-infested madhouse. 

Fuming,

Jeff

Tuesday 28 May, 11:00–16:00
St Martin's Place, WC2H 0HE
FREE, limited availability; first come first served

In the style of a eulogy: 

Ladies and gentlemen, we gather here today to celebrate an extraordinary event: Family Day at the National Portrait Gallery. This cherished occasion invites families to bring faces to life through delightful hands-on activities. In this creative sanctuary, we mould, shape, paint, and animate, crafting portraits of those we hold dear. Furthermore, let us honour the spirit of curiosity with the History Detectives family trail, where solving puzzles reveals hidden codes. A day dedicated to joy, creativity, and familial bonds, forever etched in our hearts.

Brockwell Bounce: the big half term day out

Wednesday 29 May, 12:00–18:00
Brockwell Park, SE24 0NG
FREE

In the style of an acrostic poem: 

Boundless fun in arts and crafts,
Raves for families, music that lasts.
Outdoor play for little ones,
Costume making under the sun.
Kids' talent shows that will amaze,
Water fights, fun-filled days.
Exploring creativity with slime,
Live music showcases, simply sublime.
Lessons in dance, masks for the ball,

Bungee runs, inflatables tall.
Obstacle courses to conquer and cheer,
Unique crafts like rockets appear.
New adventures at every glance,
Carnival vibes, join the dance.
Engage with fun, make memories grand,
! At Brockwell Bounce, the fun is planned! 

South Tank, Tate Modern, SE1 9TG
25 May to 2 June, 10:30–18:00 (except 28 May, when the activity starts at 11:30)
FREE

In the style of a conversation between Peppa Pig and Daddy Pig (which took a LOT of prompting because some lunatic at Open AI clearly hasn’t trained Chat GPT on nearly enough Peppa storylines): 

Peppa Pig: Daddy Pig, what's kinetic art? snort

Daddy Pig: Ah, Peppa, kinetic art is art that moves! This May half term, the Tate Modern is turning the South Tank into a huge playground for making moving masterpieces. I'm a bit of an expert at these things.

Peppa Pig: Oh, goody! Can we jump in muddy puddles while we make art? snort

Daddy Pig: No muddy puddles, Peppa, but we'll have all sorts of squishy stuff, sturdy objects, and interesting bits and bobs to create hanging sculptures that sway, swing and swirl!

George: Dine-saw!

Daddy Pig: Ho ho, yes George, you can make a dinosaur if you want to. It's all about using your imagination and having fun. We'll connect, attach, twist, balance, and stack our creations from floor to ceiling. And we'll see our masterpieces displayed in the large open space.

Peppa Pig: Wow! I can't wait to show Granny and Grandpa Pig. Maybe we can bring some of Granny's homemade chocolate cake! snort

Daddy Pig: That sounds like a great idea, Peppa. It's going to be a fantastic adventure! Let's get ready to create and have fun together.

Voiceover: Peppa and George love kinetic art. Everyone loves kinetic art.

Wednesday 29 May, 11:00–15:30
St John's Gate, 26 St John's Lane, EC1M 4DA (note: the activity takes place in the learning centre at EC1V 4JJ, which is across the road from the museum)
FREE (but you need to get tickets in advance) 

In the style of a horoscope: 

Today, your family stars align at the garden, inviting you to explore the enchanting world of fantastic ferns. This is a day to embrace nature’s mysteries and uncover the secret uses of these fascinating plants. The cosmos encourages creativity, guiding you to craft botanical artworks that reflect your inner artist. Venus’s influence suggests a valuable opportunity to learn first aid, enhancing your family’s knowledge and safety. Collaborating with the Quentin Blake Centre for Illustration, this celestial event promises a harmonious blend of education and fun. Prepare for an enlightening experience!

20–26 May – which is almost technically half term
Sloane Square and surrounding area (see map on website)
FREE (rickshaw and walking tours are also free, but need to be booked when you arrive at the Sloane Square information point)

In the style of a Shakespearean soliloquy: 

Oh, hark! The floral art doth bloom again,
Transforming Chelsea's streets with nature's grace,
From May the twentieth to the twenty-sixth,
With blooms that breathe enchantment to the air.

This annual contest grows with passing years,
As merchants, eateries, and inns compete,
Adorned in florid splendour, they aspire
To win the coveted awards they seek.

Two thousand twenty-four's grand theme doth feast
On flora and on fare Chelsea holds dear.
A banquet for the eyes, from books and art,
From history's scenes and culinary hearts.

The rickshaw rides and walking tours return!
Reserve thy place, and Sloane Square doth await,
To guide thee through this grand floral display,
The ultimate in Chelsea's fair delight.

Note: there’s also Belgravia in Bloom, which runs between 20 and 27 May. 

Wednesday 29 May, 10:00–12:00
Pizza Pilgrims, Level 4, Selfridges, 100 Oxford Street, W1A 1AB
£30 per ticket

In the style of a Stephen King novel: 

The Pizzeria on the fourth floor of Selfridges held an air of mystery, where the ordinary world faded and something darker lurked. As the children gathered, their excitement was palpable, unaware of what awaited.

In the dimly lit kitchen, the experienced chef stood silently, his presence unsettling. Shadows played tricks, and each child received a chef's hat that seemed to hold a strange power.

The pizza-making began with small hands moulding dough and spreading sauce. An intense air filled the room, the chef's piercing gaze adding to the unease.

As pizzas slid into the oven, a hush fell. The heat radiated a malevolent presence, and the promise of eating their creations was tinged with fear: what if their pizza didn't make it out? There was talk of a pre-made pizza ready to take its place, but the idea felt like a shadow of failure looming over their heads.

Brightly coloured soft drinks offered brief reprieve, followed by fleeting comfort from ice cream.

Finally, the children decorated pizza boxes. This wasn't just play; their art captured more than fun, holding fears, triumphs, and a glimpse into the unknown.

The Little Slice Pizza Class, meant to be a culinary adventure, became a journey into the uncanny. The children came to make pizza but left with memories etched in shadows and flour.

1–2 June, 09:30, 11:00 and 14:00
Little Angel Studios, Sebbon Street, N1 2EH
Adults and children £8.50 each

In the style of a passive-aggressive note left on the fridge of housemates: 

Attention Housemates,

Guess what? This summer, instead of leaving your dirty dishes for someone else to clean, how about we take a hint from the kids at Little Angel Theatre?

They’re having a workshop where kids make mermaid puppets. Imagine that – kids learning to create and decorate something magical. Maybe if some of us could learn to decorate and build something other than piles of dirty laundry, our place wouldn’t look like a disaster zone. And who knows, there might even be a visit from sea creatures – they might be better at cleaning up than some of us here!

Let's aim for some creativity and responsibility this summer, shall we?

Cheers,

Your ever-hopeful (and slightly exasperated) housemate

Note: there’s also full-day burger-puppet-making workshop (?) called Crafty Cooks, which is for ages 5–9 and available at 10:00 on 28–30 May (select just one date). This is for children to attend without their parents. 

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