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- ⛳ 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (8–9 June)
⛳ 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (8–9 June)
Jeff – Dads in London
June 05, 2024
Hello fellow DiLFs!
I’d usually have a charming intro here, but this email is already a novel (the page-turning, best-seller type). Dive in!
Jeff xx
Saturday and Sunday; various times
Various locations
Adults £23.80; children £12
I mentioned this event a few weeks ago because you needed to pre-book or enter a ballot if you wanted access to certain participating gardens. Most gardens have no such requirements, though, and there’s a full list of them on the website.
Something I didn’t emphasise last time (because I was too busy trying and failing to come up with jokes about access to the Downing Street garden) is that you need a (paid) ticket to access any of the non-ballot/non-ticketed open gardens involved in Open Gardens Weekend.
While the website is an aesthetic abomination, it actually has a bunch of useful pages: a list of guided walks and cycle tours between gardens; a list of self-guided walking routes; and information about which gardens are accessible to wheelchair users (and are therefore also likely to be easy for pram users). Each “garden” page also contains interesting information about its history, what to find there, and nearby gardens with similar opening times (to help you plan your day).
If you suspect your children will shriek “Booooorrrrrriiiiiinnnnngg” as you drag them out in search of a rose pergola or herbaceous border, you might be interested in some of the gardens that are putting on events. Granted, kids are unlikely to be on board with watching scenes from A Midsummer Night’s Dream performed at Middle Temple, but you might notice a fleeting facial expression that implies, “I don’t hate that idea” when you mention an interactive treasure hunt and toy parade at Caledonian Park. This page contains a list of events at various gardens over the weekend.
Find out more: https://londongardenstrust.org/
While you’re there…
👍️ Saturday is World Naked Bike Ride day! There are many noble intentions behind WNBR (protesting against the global dependency on oil, curbing car culture, obtaining real rights for cyclists, celebrating body freedom, etc.), but – from a spectator’s perspective – it’s also bloody good fun to watch over 1,000 people cycling around London with their bits out.
If you wanted, you could use the event as a learning experience for your kids: teach them about the purposes behind the movement, encourage their map-reading skills via following the cycling route, or perhaps provide a combined spelling and anatomy lesson with a (quiet) game of I Spy.
The exact route will be decided much closer to the start date (keep informed via their FB page), but you can check out the starting locations (and timings) here, to coordinate with your planned garden visit(s).
Sunday 9 June, 11:00 and 14:00
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, Tally Ho Corner, North Finchley, N12 0GA
Adults and children £12 (plus £1.50 booking fee per order)
I have to admit I was sceptical of this play, as I’m not really a fan of children’s stories that try to shoehorn in political messages. They’re either bash-you-over-the-head blatant, pushy and manipulative, or so subtle that we’re not quite sure what’s going on: is the tortoise’s fondness for horseradish (to give a made-up example) actually a thoughtful and deeply clever allusion to the suffering endured during The Spanish-Canadian Turbot War of 1994?
So when I first heard about Ten in the Bed, a new production with connotations galore, I was about as anxious as those fought-over fishes. But then I read about it. And, ok, it seems genuinely thought-provoking and cleverly written.
It’s about Naz and Iggy, who are either friends or brothers depending on which review you read. They’re child refugees who share a bedroom in a detention centre, and they come up with a variety of imaginative tales and play ideas involving fishing trips, sharks and pirates. But the most impactful story they invent involves thinking about what to do when there are too many people in their imaginary boat: who do they throw overboard to lighten the load?
Reviewers agree that it helps the audience consider what it feels like to be a refugee, but in a lighthearted and often funny way. If you want to buy tickets, get in quick: the seating plan for both slots is showing lots of grey/”unavailable” blobs and not many red/”available” ones.
Find out more: https://www.artsdepot.co.uk/event/ten-in-the-bed/
While you’re there…
👍️ N20 Kids Club is a soft-play space less than a mile away. I’ve never been, but the reviews suggest you take the “3 months to 11 years” suggested age range and smash it to smithereens. Six years old seems like the upper limit.
👍️ Little Tea House is a gem of a place, with spectacular teas and beautiful cakes and pastries (which are all made in-house by the owner). Board games are apparently available; I didn’t see them when I visited, but that might be because my own kids looked too feral to be trusted with a load of Jenga blocks.
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Sunday 9 June (and all other Sundays), 11:00–18:00
Swingers West End, 15 John Prince's Street, W1G 0AB
Adults and children £12
I’ve played mini golf at Center Parcs. I’ve played mini golf on multiple piers in multiple seaside towns. And I’ve played mini golf in a shopping centre. They all welcome children of all ages, and they’re all as boring as hell.
I have also played the new type of mini golf (or crazy golf, as it’s often called) that has more of a party atmosphere: alcohol, music, “street” food, and crazy courses. They’re great fun, and under-18s are usually banned.
This is a disaster for parents who’d love to putt around with their kids on the weekend, but only if there’s a live DJ and Patty & Bun onsite.
If you’re one such parent, you’ll be delighted to learn that this particular first world problem has now disappeared from your life, as a bunch of venues have relaxed their age restrictions (usually during certain hours). The latest place to do this is the West End branch of Swingers, which is also arguably the best for families because they’ve put some effort into the kids’ experience (fun drinks, kids’ menus, activity sheets).
The prices are the same for adults and children, which is fair enough but makes for an expensive afternoon – especially if you plan on getting food and drinks there. But when the alternative is a rain-soaked course with bent clubs, blunt pencils and a broken windmill, you know you’ve made the right decision by shelling out.
Here are the “cool crazy golf” places in London that now allow kids:
⛳ Under-18s are welcome every Sunday before 18:00.
⛳ The venue recommends that only children aged 7+ play.
⛳ Note: all other Swingers venues do not allow under-18s to play.
Under-18s are welcome at the following times:
⛳ Camden: every day until 19:00
⛳ Shoreditch: Sunday to Wednesday until 19:00
⛳ All other venues: Sunday to thursday until 19:00
⛳ Under-18s are allowed at all venues until 19:00 every day.
⛳ The venue recommends that only children aged 7+ play.
Children must be at least 7 years old. Children aged 7–18 are welcome at the following times:
⛳ Camden: before 18:00 on weekdays and Sundays
⛳ Borough Market: before 18:00 on weekdays and Sundays
⛳ Shoreditch: before 18:00 on weekdays and Sundays
⛳ Hackney: before 17:00 on weekdays
Children must be at least 4 years old. Children 4–18 are welcome at the following times:
⛳ Angel: Monday to Thursday until 16:40, every Friday until 16:20, and every weekend until 15:40
⛳ Battersea: Sunday to Friday until 15:40
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00 (and many other days up to October)
Serpentine Gallery Pavillion, Kensington Gardens, W2 3XA
FREE
The Serpentine Pavilion is a temporary structure created each year by a different architect, which people can visit and explore for free. It’s one of those cultural set pieces on the London calendar – much like No Trousers on the Tube Day and the London Sheep Drive Chelsea Flower Show and Wimbledon.
Being commissioned to create the structure is like being asked to create a celebrity value meal for McDonald’s: a Very Big Deal. Which is fine and great (and Congrats!! to the chosen architect each year), but I don’t know why the Serpentine’s description of the structure needs to be so darn impenetrable.
Well, my good friend Chat GPT and I decided to try de-impenetrating (?) the Serpentine’s explanation, making it possible for a six-year-old to understand. Here’s what we came up with:
“The new Serpentine Pavilion, called Archipelagic Void, is like a super-cool playground! Designed by Minsuk Cho, it has five fun buildings around a big open space. Each building looks different and has a special job. They are made mostly of wood and have strong bases, with a steel ring at the top that lets sunlight in.
“One building, the Gallery, plays cool sounds from nature and Korean music. The Auditorium has benches for shows and talks. The Library of Unread Books is full of books that people haven't read yet. The Play Tower is a pyramid with orange nets to climb on. There’s even a Tea House, remembering when the Serpentine used to be a place for tea. It’s full of surprises and fun things to explore!”
Find out more: https://www.serpentinegalleries.org/whats-on/serpentine-pavilion-2024-by-minsuk-cho-mass-studies/
While you’re there…
👍️ I can’t not mention the Diana Memorial Playground in Kensington Gardens, which has a wooden pirate ship (with a beach), sensory trail, teepees, and various play sculptures.
👍️ In addition to the ice skating, bowling and Meatliquor burgers on offer at Queens Skate Dine Bowl, there’s also augmented reality darts (?!), curling and an arcade den. This place should be a case study in under-promising and over-delivering.
👍️ After something more wholesome? You could always grab a Lime bike and cycle around London’s ninth-most popular route of 2023: the Hyde Park bike path.
Sunday 9 June, 11:00–17:00
Big Penny Social, 1 Priestley Way, E17 6AL
£2 entry per person
The people at the Serpentine could learn a thing or two about copywriting from those who write the masterful event descriptions for Big Penny Social.
Take, for instance, an event that’s basically about people selling used, no-longer-wanted gear. In the hands of the Big Penny Social writers, Walthamstow Flea Market is the “go-to destination to pick up vintage gems and pre-loved artefacts”.
What kinds of gems and artefacts, you might be wondering? Well, if the adjectives are anything to go by, you’re in for a treat! The industrial fixtures are “reclaimed”, the electricals are “salvaged”, the clothes are “vintage”, and the remaining tat is actually “curiosities & collectables, & unexpected oddities”. These genius writers may well have persuaded me to attend – someone who once proclaimed that “Heaven is an IKEA coffee table,” and meant it.
Whether this particular flea market is genuinely junk-free or not is beside the point: you know if you and your kids will enjoy wandering around, checking out what’s on offer and haggling over a watercolour that may or may not have been painted by a Dutch prostitute in the 17th century. And if it seems like your sort of thing, go for it! I’ve taken the mick, but that’s just because I like my stuff straight from the factory and don’t appreciate the character of secondhand finds. (I’m an ignorant arse, I know. Working on it.)
While you’re there…
👍️ If you buy a bunch of stuff at the market and immediately regret it, no problem: just chuck it into any of the ten reservoirs conveniently located behind Big Penny Social. (DON’T WRITE IN TO COMPLAIN! I’M KIDDING!!!)
The reservoirs are collectively known as Walthamstow Wetlands – which is the main source of water supply for 3.5 million people, as well as an internationally important nature reserve that provides home and shelter to a range of wildlife. It’s a beautiful and peaceful area to visit, with plenty of walking paths and lots of bird-spotting to be had. Check out these photos for an idea of what it’s like.
Saturday 8 June, 11:30–16:30
Stepney Green Park (near the Redmans Road entrance) E1 3DH
FREE
I think this event would be less under-the-radar if it had a better name. A collaboration between Queen Mary, University of London and local community groups and organisations, it’s all about using fun activities to highlight the best projects and research in health, science, engineering, humanities and social sciences. Some of the activities include:
☕ Health and wellbeing: make puppets, hook a duck to learn about health screening, try Thai boxing and make herbal tea.
🦋 Hands-on science: create an at-home chemistry lab, experience tropical butterflies with Queen Mary science researchers, make a puzzle with mathematical tiles, detect cosmic rays, design a new super cell, send a secret message with Morse code, and control a robotic hand.
🐢 Green living: “swim” with turtles, learn about clothing repair and home composting, and map your green spaces.
🧶 Creative crafts: learn to knit, make a fidget spinner, contribute to a community mural, make origami brains, and have a go at creating a gif.
🐉 Heritage and culture: meet a Chinese Dragon, learn about the Matchgirls Strike of 1888, and find out what animals lived at the Tower of London.
I mean… how amazing is all this??!! Why don’t more people know about it? Why aren’t you going??