🐶 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (18–19 May)

Hello again! 

Many of you answered last week’s poll (thank you!), but I still need more yesses! So if you want a comprehensive list of events and activities for May half term and haven’t answered yet, let me know. If enough people say yes, I’ll get started on writing it.

Big important thing: I’ll only send the list to those who click the link above, so please do click if you want it! 

Now onto the list for this weekend – which admittedly has far more than five things on it. 

Enjoy!

Jeff xx

1: Attend the sort of village fete your 18-year-old self would approve of 

Sunday, 11:00–late
Greenwich Peninsula, 1 W Parkside, SE10 0BN
FREE

Question: what’s better than a village fete? Answer: a lot of things. There’s just nothing all that fun about winning a fridge magnet in a tombola, going deaf from the local brass band performance, or watching a genetically modified cucumber win the “largest veg” prize. 

But when the village fete in question is Greenwich Peninsula's Urban Village Fete, the answer is “Nothing’s better than this (unless, if pushed, the McLaren P1).” 

I’ll now explain why, in a series of short sentences. Urban playground for kids. Have a go at 3D printing. Try DJing with vinyls. Origami. Street performers (who are relocating for the day, I can only assume). “Hurl the pineapple” challenge. Incredible DJs I’ve admittedly never heard of (but who at least seem like they’ll be incredible). Workshops to learn dance. Workshops to make candle holders. Workshops to design puppets. Food choices that offer more than local cheeses or Victoria sponge. MASSAGES!!

Find out more: https://www.greenwichpeninsula.co.uk/whats-on/urban-village-fete 

While you’re there… 

👍️ The Greenwich Peninsula cable car station is a three-minute walk away, so you could either make it part of your journey to the fete or take a trip on it before/after. If you’ve been on any world-famous cable car rides like Sugarloaf Mountain or Mont Blanc, you may be underwhelmed. Luckily, I haven’t, so I think our little London cable car is wonderful. 

👍️ I haven’t been to The O2 arena since attending a Spice Girls concert in 2008 (hashtag girlpower), but the website assures me there’s loads of random stuff to do there if you have time to fill. Indoor skydiving would be my pick, but you could also try your hand at trampolining, bowling, shopping, eating or drinking. I’ll admit there’s a chance you’ve tried some of those before. 

2. Be part of the performance (sort of) with a theatre show about clay

Saturday at 10:30, 13:30 and 15:30; Sunday at 10:30, 13:30 and 15:30
Polka Theatre, 240 The Broadway, SW19 1SB
Adults and children £14; babies under 1 year £1
SELLING OUT FAST

When I first read about this “visual improvisation” performance in which the audience is invited to participate and come up with all the ideas, my immediate thought was, “Wait a sec: I’m buying tickets to a ‘performance’ that requires no prep work, no rehearsals, and not even a damn storyline decided in advance? What Theranos-level bulls**t is this???” 

And then I continued past the first sentence and, ok fair enough: I may have been a bit hasty. Because it actually sounds ace. 

Basically, the performance starts with two artists on stage demonstrating the clay to the audience and showing what it can do. Then the artists ask the audience for ideas for characters, settings and stories. Based on audience input, the artists then improvise a play – which means each play is unique to that specific audience. The performance ends with an opportunity for the children to create their own objects out of clay. 

And now I understand why I tell my eldest to read things more carefully. 

Find out more: https://polkatheatre.com/event/claytime/ 

3: Learn about the pets of Charles Dickens 

Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–17:00 (plus every Wednesday–Sunday up to 12 January 2025)
48 Doughty Street, WC1N 2LX
The event is free but you must buy a general admission ticket in advance: adults £12.50; children 6+ £7.50; children 0–5 free 

Ask anyone to list five things Charles Dickens was known for and I guarantee absolutely none of them will say, “He had a soft spot for goldfinches.” I even tasked ChatGPT with coming up with TEN things, and… nope: no mention of the cats, horses, dogs and multiple bird breeds that Dickens kept as pets.  

So thank you to the Charles Dickens Museum for sharing this lesser-known side of the man. (There’s also a small chance they’re running out of exhibition ideas, but that’s just me being cynical.) It’s all very family-friendly, and features photos, illustrations and letters from Dickens himself about his bonkers menagerie. 

The exhibition does a good job of linking everything to the Victorian era in which Dickens lived – when Londoners in particular started having pets in addition to working animals. There’s also an “animal-inspired story space” so that “little storytellers can create their own fantastic fables”. 

Find out more: https://dickensmuseum.com/blogs/all-events/faithful-companions-charles-dickens-his-pets 

While you’re there… 

👍️ Coram’s Fields is around the corner and I will question your child’s honesty if they say they don’t like it there. It’s a seven-acre space with multiple playgrounds (each with different facilities), sand pits, a cafe, lawns, picnic tables, a wildlife garden and a paddling pool. Adults are only allowed in if accompanied by a child, which makes the place feel extra wholesome and friendly. 

👍️ Lamb’s Conduit Street has a large supply of restaurants and cafes at all price ranges. 

4: Appreciate shrinkflation at a dolls house festival

Saturday, 10:00–17:00
Kensington Town Hall, Hornton Street, W8 7NX
Adult £11.50; child £6.14; under-3s free; family tickets £27.58 (up to 2 adults and 4 children)

Don’t expect to see me at this event. Dolls houses are a bit freaky to me anyway, but an entire town hall filled with dolls houses, dolls house paraphernalia AND dolls house enthusiasts? It could be the setting for a horror film – with the subplot involving a bankruptcy following the ill-advised purchase of a miniature chaise longue. 

If, though, you’re willing to indulge your child’s passions (making you a way better dad than I am), I heartily suggest you attend. Apparently, the Kensington Dollshouse Festival is the creme de la creme of dollshousing – gathering together top craftspeople from around the world. Whether you need an entire dolls house or just a couple of lamps and a cutlery drawer, you’ll find it here. If you’re simply planning to come and look around with your kids, that’s fine too – although good luck dealing with the tantrums when you leave empty-handed. 

Find out more: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/kensington-dollshouse-festival-summer-show-2024-tickets-673806221547 

While you’re there… 

👍️ Holland Park Adventure Playground enrages me because it’s not for adults. If someone could create an identical version where it’s socially acceptable to play there as a grown-up, I’d be very grateful. 

👍️ The Kyoto Garden in the same park is stunning. Fun fact: it was a gift from the city of Kyoto (in 1991) to commemorate the long friendship between Japan and Great Britain. 

5: Watch a princess get bruised by a pea (but not by any acrobats or clowns)

Saturday at 11:00; Sunday at 11:00 and 14:00 (plus many other days up to 16 June)
Unicorn Theatre, 147 Tooley Street, SE1 2HZ
Adults from £10.50; under 18s from £7
SELLING OUT FAST

Because I don’t like half-arsing things, I reacquainted myself with the original story of The Princess and the Pea for this newsletter. And… JEEZ (is the child-friendly version of my reaction). What an… interesting book. 

The Unicorn Theatre is “remixing” this famous fairy tale into a performance that involves acrobats, clowning and – I’m pretty sure – a reworking of some of the more outdated aspects of the original. 

I’ve taken my children to tons of Unicorn Theatre performances and they’re all wonderfully wacky and totally worth it.  

Find out more: https://www.unicorntheatre.com/events/the-princess-and-the-pea 

While you’re there… 

👍️ Go up Tower Bridge, lie down on the transparent floor and take a photo using the mirrored ceiling above you. When we went, it was UNBELIEVABLE how many visitors wouldn’t even set foot on the glass floor – and they squealed in shock when we did it. Wusses. There’s much more to do as part of the Tower Bridge experience, but the glass floor is the highlight – even if you just watch others “bravely risking their lives” when stepping on it. 

👍️ Borough Market is there. If you haven’t been a million times already and don’t mind crowds, you’ll probably enjoy it. 

👍️ Southwark Cathedral is free to enter and beautifully understated (as far as cathedrals can ever be understated). Fyi the cathedral often hosts evening events – such as candlelit concerts and expert talks – which you can find out about on their website/newsletter. 

BOOK NOW PART 1! Get the ear defenders ready for a family-friendly festival

Saturday 13 July 
Alexandra Palace Park, Alexandra Palace Way, N22 7AY
Adults £61.50; children £35.10; under-5s £13.10; e-ticket delivery (!) £2.75 (all prices from Ticketmaster, but other ticket-sellers are available via the Kaleidoscope Festival website)

Some festivals are “family friendly” in the sense that they’re basically all-day children’s parties with the addition of beer and some songs that aren’t by Disney. Other festivals are “family friendly” in the sense that they’re what you imagine a grown-up festival to be like, but with a few children’s activities thrown in to stop them getting too bored. 

The Kaleidoscope Festival in Alexandra Palace Park seems very much like the latter. The musical line-up includes Mr Scruff, Artful Dodger (gosh, that takes me back) and The Go! Team, while Brian Blessed, Simon Amstell and others will be doing something (talking, I imagine) on a different stage. 

Find out more: https://kaleidoscope-festival.com/ 

BOOK NOW PART 2! London Open Gardens, 8–9 June 2024

For one weekend only, get access to some of the capital’s most iconic (but usually locked/off-limits) gardens and squares. There are 115 gardens available to visit this year, and you’ll need to book a weekend ticket to get access to most of them. 

Note: entry to some gardens (including 10 Downing Street) is by ballot or pre-booking only, and you’ll need to apply separately to be considered. Feel free to insert your own joke here about garden parties, Boris, etc. 

Find out more: https://londongardenstrust.org/log2024/gardens/Approach.html