🤴 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (8–9 March)

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Hello there, fellow DILFs! 

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that the ArcelorMittal Orbit has reopened in Queen Elizabeth Park. (The name comes from the ArcelorMittal steel company, which funded most of it. Great brand synergy: next time I’m planning to build a cruise ship or rail-freight wagon, I’m heading straight to ArcelorMittal.)

It’s basically a giant sculpture with a viewing platform at the top and a slide down for those too impatient for the lift or stairs. I took my boys last weekend, and while we couldn’t use the slide (you need to be 130 cm tall – about 8 years old), we were there for the walk up and the views anyway.

And it was so much fun! The views aren’t breathtaking, but they’re properly exciting, and the steps have some weird audio soundtrack that I didn’t quite understand but appreciated for the distraction.

And the slide looks AMAZING. We watched people go down, and it seems genuinely thrilling. If your kids are tall enough, I’d highly recommend it – it’s one of the cheapest ways to get a 360-degree London view and an adrenaline rush in one (£7 for the view, £14 for the view + slide).

So there’s an extra idea for this weekend. Now on with the others… 

Speak soon, 

Jeff xx

1: See what happened when Siena got rich and artists got busy

Siena: The Rise of Painting, 1300 –1350
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00 (and every day until 22 June)
The National Gallery, Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DN
Adults £22, under-18s free 

We all laughed when human adults gave their kid the name Brooklyn, we guffawed at Chicago, and we thought “Egypt”, “London” and “Camden, Phoenix and Brooklyn (another one)” were verging on child abuse. 

But the name “Sienna” gets a free pass: no one bats an eyelid. Maybe it’s because Siena the city has always been so darn classy – especially when it comes to art. In the early 14th century, Siena found itself flush with cash thanks to trade and banking, and a lot of that money went straight to the artists.

These Sienese masters would paint figures who appeared more alive than the flat, hierarchically arranged ones of Byzantine religious art. Everything seemed less static, the backgrounds had richer textures, and the characters’ faces actually looked like they were experiencing emotions.

In fact, many believe that the storytelling, depth and gracefulness of Sienese art formed a necessary bridge between Byzantine and Early Renaissance painting. Without Lorenzetti, we may never have had Botticelli, basically. (Though at least we’d have ended up with two excellent artisanal pasta names.) And as a result, who knows what else we’d have missed out on?

Need more reasons to visit? I have two. The first is Duccio’s Maestà – a huge altarpiece whose individual panels were separated over the years. Some are being reunited here for the first time in centuries. The second reason is Simone Martini’s Orsini Polyptych – a dazzling, gold-covered altarpiece that’s been scattered across various collections but will be partially reassembled in this exhibition. Two reunions that aren’t quite as exciting as the Spice Girls one in 2007, but then what is?  

Find out more: https://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/exhibitions/siena-the-rise-of-painting

While you’re there… 

👍️ Slip down Cecil Court, a 17th-century lane where secondhand bookstores and antiquarian shops still line the street. You’ll find rare maps, first editions and vintage prints, with some stock spilling out onto the pavement for easy browsing. Mozart lived here as a child, and early British filmmakers later used it as a backdrop. Before you leave the area, cross St. Martin’s Lane and peek into Goodwin’s Court for a pocket of pure Dickensian charm (and a Harry Potter connection).

👍️ Take a short walk to Leicester Square for Scenes in the Square, a trail of film character statues celebrating some of cinema’s biggest icons. Kids can spot Paddington, Harry Potter and Mary Poppins, while you get to stand under Gene Kelly – mid-song, umbrella in hand. There’s even an audio guide for a bit of background – useful if you don’t fancy answering “Who’s that?” a dozen times.

2: See 40 years of taking the mick out of the monarchy

The Windsor Tapestry
Saturday 10:30–17:30 and Sunday 12:00–16:00 (and other days 10:30–17:30; closed on Mondays)
The Cartoon Museum, 63 Wells Street, W1A 3AE
Museum admission: adults £12, under-18s free

If you thought Charles had to wait a long time to become king, just wait until you find out how long it’s taken me to mention this exhibition. Steve Bell’s The Windsor Tapestry has been on display for MONTHS, meaning I am well and truly the Prince Charles of newsletter deadlines – waiting in the wings while everyone else gets on with it.

You’ve probably heard of Steve Bell. For 40 years, he’s been taking the mick out of royals – and now his cartoons have been stitched together into a 28-metre-long tapestry telling the story of King Charles III’s life. Think the Bayeux Tapestry, but with fewer horses and bigger ears.

And if 40 years of Steve Bell isn’t enough, the exhibition also features original artwork from other legendary cartoonists – because if there’s one thing Britain produces more reliably than monarchs, it’s people willing to mock them. 

Find out more: https://www.cartoonmuseum.org/whats-on-exhibitions/the-windsor-tapestry

While you’re there… 

👍️ Swingers West End has family sessions every Sunday afternoon. While the theme is “1920s seaside” (because that’s where crazy golf originated), everything else at this venue is much more modern – including the ten-camera, ceiling-mounted 3D podium for celebratory team GIFs. There’s lots of yummy food too – from famous establishments Patty & Bun, Breddos Tacos and Pizza Pilgrims. 

3: See bubbles do things bubbles shouldn’t be able to do

Creation – The Bubble Show
Sunday 9 March, 14:00
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street,Tally Ho Corner, N12 0GA
£14–£18 depending on seating
Age guidance: 3–12

I can’t tell you how confused I was when I first started reading reviews of this show. “Within moments, the air was filled with iridescent floating spheres and pulsating music, while the sheepish boyfriend was being gyrated upon by one of the performers, much to the enjoyment of his gleeful partner.” HUH? “...visual innuendo and miming are brought together… to transport the audience into different realms ranging from a medieval castle to the inside of a vagina.” WTAF???? For kids aged 3–12? 

Fellow DILF, I have some advice for you: when you book this show, triple check to make sure it’s called Creation – The Bubble Show and NOT Bubble Show for Adults Only. It’s an easy mistake to make – easier than you might realise. 

The kids’ version has zero bustiers but just as many bubbles – making it an awks-free zone for children and parents alike. There’s a fairly flimsy storyline about how a place called Bubbleland comes into existence (The Bubble Man breathes life into “light, water, plants, animals, stars, and the essence of human nature itself”), but it’s basically just an excuse to blow a lot of REALLY impressive bubbles. 

There are also fire effects (because The Bubble Man clearly knows how children love it when their parents are on edge), “poetic puppetry” whatever that is, and light displays. 

For a taster of what the show will be like, there are some photos and videos here if you scroll down the page.  

Find out more: https://www.artsdepot.co.uk/event/creation-the-bubble-show

4: Take a guided walk through London’s most divisive architecture

Golden Lane and Barbican Architecture Walking Tour (wait! Come back!)
Saturday 8 March, 11:00–13:15
Meet outside The Shakespeare pub on the corner of Fann Street, 2 Goswell Road EC1M 7AA
£14.50 per person

A friend recently sent me an article about how babies have a “hardwired bias” against brutalist architecture. It’s not like they throw up or start crying or anything, but they do look away immediately. So if you’re planning on bringing any teeny tinies with you for this walk, I suggest you plan a trip to the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona immediately after: babies freakin’ LOVE that place, according to the researchers. 

The Barbican estate is more Marmitey than Marmite: literally everyone (who’s been) has a strong opinion about it. But even if you think it's horrific, you can’t deny it has a fascinating history and admirable purpose. Along with its sister estate at Golden Lane, it was built after WWII to provide thousands of much-needed homes among spacious landscapes in the heart of the city. 

No need for a car when everything is a short walk away. No need for your own back garden when there are sprawling communal landscapes (with a playground!!!). No need to settle for life in a boring suburb when you can live and work in one of the greatest cities on earth. 

This guided walk is about 2 km and ends outside the Barbican Centre, which holds a special place in my heart because I’m that rare person who knows their way around it. It sounds like a fascinating tour, and I might just take the kids there myself. 

Find out more: https://open-city.org.uk/events/barb-golden-lane-fp-21

While you’re there… 

👍️ Postman’s Park is a beautiful little pocket park nearby, which opened in 1880 and was a popular lunchtime garden with workers from the nearby Old General Post Office. It’s also home to the Watts Memorial to Heroic Self-Sacrifice, which commemorates “ordinary people who died saving the lives of others and who might otherwise have been forgotten”. The history of the memorial is super interesting, if you’re up for a quick read. 

👍️ Guildhall has a genuine Roman amphitheatre in the basement (discovered in 1988 while digging in preparation for re-building the gallery). It’s open every day for you to stand where crowds would have gathered to watch animal fights, public executions and gladiatorial combats. 

5: Try out expensive camera gear for free (and buy it for cheap)

The Photography and Video Show 2025
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–17:00 (and also on Monday 10th and Tuesday 11th, 10:00–17:00)
ExCeL London, Royal Victoria Dock, 1 Western Gateway, E16 1XL
Adults £18.95, under-18s free (under-5s are free and don’t need a ticket; 5–15s are free but do need a ticket; 16–17s can attend at the concession rate: £15.95)

ExCeL London is a depressing, soulless, freezing cold place with disgusting toilets, extortionate food and horrendously bad wifi. And if I couldn’t hate it any more, it does the one thing that’s guaranteed to eff me off the most: it insists on a combination of uppercase and lowercase letters in its godforsaken name. It’s impossible to remember and causes havoc with your “shift” finger. 

On the plus side, the exhibitions are great. And the Liz Line makes it a doddle to reach… when it’s running, that is. 

This latest exhibition isn’t quite as blow-your-socks-off impressive as other recent events at EXcEl: it isn't as high-octane as the Formula 1 Exhibition, for instance. It’s just a regular photography and video exhibition, with lots of speeches and talks that might be of interest but I wouldn’t bet on it. 

So why am I recommending it? Because it contains an area called CreatorCon, which is where I imagine the cool kids hang out when they’re not graffitiing over the venue signage with “Viva la Sensible Capitalisation”. CreatorCon contains a Creator Playground for you to create images and videos, as well as a Creator Stage for advice on creating content and visual storytelling. 

There’s also the main exhibition, where you can fiddle with the latest releases from all the top brands. It’s basically a chance to try out all the latest photography tech for free – although there are of course plenty of opportunities to buy if you want to (and you’ll usually get a pretty good deal). 

Find out more: https://www.photographyshow.com/

While you’re there… 

👍️ As mentioned, the Formula 1 Exhibition is also on at excEL London. Spanning multiple themed rooms, It takes you deep into the world of F1 and is packed with never-before-seen artefacts, exciting new technology and immersive experiences. It covers everything from the sport’s history and rivalries to the futuristic engineering behind today’s race cars. 

You’ll get to see inside real F1 cars (including deconstructed models) and gain access to exclusive driver interviews. There’s also the chance to take a look at the remains of Romain Grosjean’s 2020 crash-damaged car – which I still remember as one of the craziest things I watched on tv.