🐯 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (5–6 October)

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Hey DiLFs! 

It’s October! And you know what that means… 

It’s time to start booking family Christmas events NOW. (Don’t hate me: I’m just the messenger!) 

Some of the most popular ones – like a bunch of Santa’s Grottos and a Home Alone special at the Royal Albert Hall – have already sold out. And I know: IT’S NOT EVEN HALLOWEEN YET! 

But don’t worry, because Uncle Jeff has you covered. 

I’ve put together a list of over 140 Christmas events and activities that are available to book now – across categories including shows, pantomimes, carol concerts, grottos, markets, ice skating and more.

It’s taken me – not to moan or anything – bloody hours. 

And it’ll allow you to plan an unforgettable Christmas for the whole family during a lunch break or two.

So I’m asking for a donation in return, but I’ve set the minimum to £3 so it’s within everyone’s reach.

You’ll get access to the full list immediately, and I’ll keep adding to it all the way through until the big day. When something amazing is released that seems like it’ll sell out quickly, I’ll send you a special “Quick: book now!” alert.

Grab The Big London Christmas List 2024 here!

And now for events that are happening in a few days rather than a few hundred days…

Uncle Jeff xx

1: Get hungry while learning about inedible meals

Looks Delicious! Exploring Japan’s food replica culture
Saturday 10:00–20:00 and Sunday 10:00–18:00 (plus other dates until 16 February 2025)
Japan House, 101–111 Kensington High Street, W8 5SA
FREE

Imagine you’re playing Family Fortunes, and the question you’re presented with is, “Something that seems uniquely Japanese.” What would you guess? Top of my list would be “elaborate loos”, and second would probably be “vending machines for everything”. I’m confident that “Our survey saaaaaays” would give me some points for those. 

But would any of the top five responses be “the realistic food replicas displayed in front of restaurants, known as ‘shokuhin sampuru’”? I hope so – partly because I do not want to hear the dreaded “uh oh” sound. But mainly because those plastic representations of food (such as tempura in a crisp batter, kobe beef with perfect marbling, and nigiri sushi with individual grains of rice) are very Japanese.  

And now – in an exhibition that’s only marginally less weird than “Mushrooms: The Art, Design and Future of Fungi” – you can see 47 plastic meals up close, each one representing one of Japan’s 47 prefectures (regions). You’ll also learn about the “history, materials, processes and future potential” of the craft. 

It looks like all slots are booked up for this weekend (and lots of future weekends too), but drop-ins are welcome. 

While you’re there… 

👍️ If you’ve decided to become a “Japanese food replicas” anorak (and if you promise your kids some real dinner afterwards), you can sign up for the free guided gallery tour at 18:00 on Saturday 2 October. It will “explore the rich legacy of food replicas across Japan, reflecting the country’s diverse cuisine and regional food culture”. 

👍️ If you think you’ll be in the mood for a different cuisine after looking at Japanese food for so long, Dishoom is practically next door. 

👍️ Holland Park Adventure Playground enrages me because it’s not for adults. If someone could create an identical version where it’s socially acceptable to play there as a grown-up, I’d be very grateful. 

👍️ The Kyoto Garden in the same park is stunning. Fun fact: it was a gift from the city of Kyoto (in 1991) to commemorate the long friendship between Japan and Great Britain. 

2: Uncover the maths secrets behind their favourite pocket monsters

Pokémaths: the maths of Pokémon
Saturday 5 October, 14:00–15:15
The Royal Institution, 21 Albemarle Street, W1S 4BS
Adults £17.06, children 16 and under £10.85

My kids aren’t into Pokémon, which means I know nothing about Pokemon or what any of the following words from the event description mean: 

“How many Pikachus does it take to power a lightbulb? How much does a Charizard eat? Can Wailord actually live in the ocean? And why does the world of Pokémon seem to ignore the basic laws of physics?” 

You’ll also learn top tips for beating the “catch rate formula” – which is also pure gobbledigook to me. If you understand what’s going on with all these sentences, head to The Royal Institution and join mathematician Tom Crawford to discover the maths behind one of the world’s most popular games. (FYI Tom Crawford is the coolest-looking mathematician you will EVER see.)

Meanwhile, I’ll just sit here and try to get “#proudlynotpokemon” trending. 

Find out more: https://www.rigb.org/whats-on/pokemaths-maths-pokemon 

While you’re there…

👍️ I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m mentioning it again because it’s free and lovely: Mayfair has some of the prettiest streets in London, and you can see lots of them by following this self-guided walking tour. Two maps (for parts 1 and 2 of the tour) are at the bottom of the written description of the route. 

👍️ Go see Michael Craig-Martin at the Royal Academy! There’s more on this below. 

3: Lounge around with live talks and a Sunday Roast

Sunday Papers Live
Sunday 6 October, 12:30–21:00
One Marylebone, 1 Marylebone Road, NW1 4AQ
Adults £39.50, children under 12 free

I’ve never attended Sunday Papers Live because I’m holding a long-term grudge (we’re talking years here) against the organisers for reasons I can’t actually remember. I’m not impressed with my behaviour on this matter, but I also know that, deep down, I won’t change my stance because I can be a stubborn arse sometimes. 

Anyway! Sunday Papers Live. It’s a monthly, day-long event that's about taking it easy and relaxing at home with the papers – except you’re in someone else’s (massive) home, and they’ve invited a few hundred of your new best friends. The “papers” come to life with lively talks and discussions led by journalists and writers, and there’s a roast lunch sorted for you – which means you can just focus on polishing off a Bloody Mary (or seven) without the guilt of doing it in your own living room. 

There are arts and crafts, pub quizzes, market stalls, live music AND guided walks from the venue through the surrounding area. 

You’re encouraged to bring your own slippers, blankets and knitting (really) for the relaxation room, and it also says cats are encouraged to come along – although is that really true? I can’t be sure. Kids are definitely welcome, however, and they’re free if they’re under 12. 

I’m kicking myself for the fact that I can’t ever go to this thing. 

Find out more: https://www.sundaypaperslive.com/

While you’re there… 

👍️ You’re right next to the south-east bit of The Regent’s Park – home to Marylebone Green Playground (which has some of the most unique playground equipment in London) and the beautiful English Gardens. Walk a bit further and you’ll find yourself in the world-famous (or at least I think it’s world-famous?) Queen Mary’s Rose Gardens and my son’s favourite: the Japanese Garden Island.

👍️ Did you ever read Saturday by Ian McEwan? The entire novel takes place in Fitzrovia – and most of it in Fitzroy Square specifically. Fitzroy Square is the home or former home of tons of famous people and institutions – including Ian McEwan himself. Many other books are set there, and multiple movies and TV programmes have been filmed in the square too. It’s a lovely place to walk around and go blue plaque-spotting, and the garden in the middle is beautiful.  

👍️ The Wellcome Collection is a completely free museum on Euston Road that focuses on health, medicine and human experience. There are plenty of interesting-sounding exhibitions on at the moment, including Jason and the Adventure of 254 (which has had rave reviews) and The Kola Nut Cannot Be Contained (which would make a brilliant band name). 

4: Find out why tigers aren’t the best guests (if you didn’t know that already)

The Tiger Who Came to Tea
Saturday and Sunday, 11:00 and 14:00
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, Tally Ho Corner, N12 0GA
Adults and children £12–£22, depending on seating area

Tickets are going quickly! 

As a child, I was obsessed with children’s fiction set in WWII. Why? No clue. But that’s how I became a fanboy of Judith Kerr, author of When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit. (Questions you might have at this point: Was I bullied? Did I enjoy regular hobbies too, like football? Did I also have more “normal” crushes? Answers: Yes. Yes-ish. Yes: Jayne Middlemiss – mainly for the heavenly accent.)

Somehow I completely missed out on what my favourite author was most famous for: the Mogg series, and The Tiger Who Came to Tea. The tiger book was adapted for the stage in 2008 by a charming (and unbelievably prolific) playwright called David Wood, and it’s been touring various venues ever since. 

It’s very popular, and very clever. There’s a sleight-of-hand trick involving the quick disappearance of food that confounds kids and adults alike, and a “this was definitely not in the original” exercise class that works well. As you might expect from a story about a tiger who rocks up on a human family’s doorstep, there are a few other instances where the adaptation isn’t identical to the original story – with the most significant one being that this tiger doesn’t say a word. If you and your children are ok with that, there are lots of reasons to love it. 

Find out more: https://www.artsdepot.co.uk/event/the-tiger-who-came-to-tea/ 

5: See the exhibition that everyone has a strong opinion about

Michael Craig-Martin
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00
Royal Academy, Burlington House, W1J 0BD
Adults £22, under -16s free

I was SO excited to see Van Gogh the other week, and it was even better than I’d hoped. Even my six-year-old gave it nine of out ten (with a point lopped off because the solo-eared self-portrait wasn’t there) – which is HUGE praise from someone who awarded his own birthday party “Four. No actually three.”

I genuinely thought Van Gogh was going to be my favourite exhibition of the year, but then I found out that Michael Craig-Martin’s work would be on display at the Royal Academy this season.

His name is as bland as a Rich Tea dunked in lukewarm Tetley’s, but Michael Craig-Martin proves that nominative determinism isn’t always a thing. This guy paints bold, vibrant representations of everyday objects that brighten your day and make you think about the world around you. Some reviewers hate it, some really damn well hate it, and a few love it. 

One of his early conceptual works about an oak tree is more polarising than Yanny vs Laurel, and, to be fair to his detractors, it does sound bonkers. But, whatever you think of MCM (and I’m very much in the “YAY MCM!” camp), I’m almost certain your children will find the whole thing thoroughly entertaining. 

Find out more: https://www.royalacademy.org.uk/exhibition/michael-craig-martin 

While you’re there… 

👍️ If you’re planning to go on Saturday, you could always visit the Pokémaths talk at the Royal Institution around the corner. See above for more info.