👻 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (19–20 October)

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Hey DiLFs!

When I first started compiling the Big London Christmas List, I thought it would be mainly Christmas carols, grottos and pantos. And we are indeed spoiled for choice with all the normal festive stuff. But there are also so many other crazy, unique and truly original events too!

There’s one where you’ll get involved in making sound effects for a famous film sequence – using everything from owls to toothbrushes – before watching the suitably wintry film in question. Or if that sounds like too much work, how about a family-friendly stand-up Christmas show, minus the rude bits? 

For a nerdier twist, there’s a festive mash-up of paleontology, art, and music – because clearly, that was missing from the Christmas calendar. Or if you’re more into show tunes than science, you can attend a musical event featuring West End stars singing seasonal favourites – with bubbles and bells for younger attendees. 

For something really different, swap Santa’s sleigh for a speedboat and blast through Canary Wharf at speeds St. Nick can only dream of.

This is only just scratching the surface. To see what else London has to offer this Christmas, check out my Big London Christmas List 2024. 

All I ask is for a small donation of £3 in return. (This works out at about $3.93, which is the currency the payment platform works in. You won’t get charged any conversion fees.)

Now back to October! There are loads of events this weekend, so keep scrolling… and scrolling…

Jeff xx

1: Take your family to Westminster Abbey for FREE!

Edwardtide Pilgrimage 2024
Saturday 19 October, 10:00–16:00
The Chapter Office, Westminster Abbey, 20 Dean’s Yard, SW1P 3PA
FREE

This is not, I repeat not, the way Westminster Abbey would like me to advertise its event. So please, for the love of whichever god you choose to worship while you’re there, don’t rock up and announce “We’re here for the free family day – where are the face paints?”

This event is all about the “National Pilgrimage to the Shrine of St Edward the Confessor – the king and saint who re-founded the Abbey”. It’s quite religiousy – with prayer and sacrament being the main to-dos. 

So while it’s genuinely open to everyone of all ages – and you’re encouraged to attend – this isn’t exactly a stereotypical family-friendly event. But what it lacks in dress-up costumes and storytime, it makes up for in the ability to see a STUNNING abbey – which normally charges an entrance fee that’s comparable to a first-class ticket to heaven. 

Find out more: https://www.westminster-abbey.org/abbey-events/special-services/2024/october/edwardtide-pilgrimage-2024 

While you’re there…

👍️ After you’ve had a bit of a gawp, there’s a fair amount to see inside Westminster Abbey. This page on the website provides a decent summary.

👍️ Most museums or visitor attractions have two choices for where to eat. There are the cafes that offer an assortment of overpriced muffins, a couple of limp sandwiches and not much else. And then there are the restaurants – where vegetables are “braised”, salads have “soft” leaves, butter is “cultured” or “miso” or “sage”, and prices are “I guess we’ll have that damn cafe muffin after all.”

If both options strike you as equally undesirable, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by The Cellarium Café and Terrace. It serves proper food you’ll actually want to eat, and is reasonably priced (unless you’re comparing it to Wetherspoons, in which case nothing will ever be reasonably priced again). 

2: Find a masterpiece for both your wall and your budget

Affordable Art Fair
Evolution London, Battersea Park, Queenstown Road, SW11 4NJ
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00 (family morning 10:00–12:00 on both days)
Family groups £20 (up to 2 adults and 3 children under 16) OR adults £14 and children under 16 FREE. 

Did you ever watch the documentary about an art forgery scheme called Made You Look: A True Story About Fake Art? The wealthy investors who were targeted ended up losing a ton of money – plus a fair amount of pride, I’d imagine. I’m someone who buys generic Amazon posters of abstract swirls to fill up empty wall space, so the film definitely made me feel at peace with my life choices. 

If you have a better eye for art than me – but you’re still the type to yell “BUT THAT COSTS MORE THAN AN ARSENAL SEASON TICKET!!!” in a quiet gallery – you’ll love the Affordable Art Fair. It aims to make contemporary art accessible to everyone and has thousands of original artworks available to buy – all priced between £50 and £7,500 (approximately 180,000 times cheaper than some of the fakes featured in the documentary). 

You can buy something you love to look at, and it won’t cost the earth. And you never know: the artist you found could end up being a Big Deal one day, and there could be fake versions of your real one.  

Btw, if your kids get bored of you pretending to be an art connoisseur, there’ll be face painting, scavenger hunting and creative activities on Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–12:00, to break things up a bit for them.

Find out more: https://affordableartfair.com/fairs/london-battersea-autumn/ 

While you’re there… 

👍️ You’re in Battersea Park, home to a sub-tropical garden, a herb garden, a children’s zoo, a boating lake and some of the best views in London. 

👍️ I’ve never been to Battersea Power Station, but 19,000ish Google reviews with an average 4.6 rating implies I’m missing out. Is it essentially Westfield with an expensive lift? If you’ve been meaning to visit, BPS is a ten-minute walk from the Affordable Art Fair. 

3: Participate in a live show that’s whisking up a way to save the egg

Curious Investigators
Sunday 20 October, 13:00 and 15:00
The Albany, Douglas Way, SE8 4AG
Adults and children £9.50

If I could, I’d say that this show – about saving a mysterious egg – is bound to be “a cracking adventure”. But the people who wrote the event page have already used that pun. Twice. Two sentences in a row. I was shell-shocked by how they chose to eggsploit that one. 

So anyway. A character called Scribble (huh?) discovers this random egg in the rubbish while he’s meant to be busy recycling. And he and his friend Clipboard (what now?) need the audience’s help to make sure the egg doesn’t smash – or else the unborn chick inside will be well and truly scrambled. 

You won’t believe me, but Curious Investigators has been created in collaboration with engineering experts from Lancaster University, and is produced by a fabulous organisation that aims to get children excited by STEAM subjects. This performance is both educational AND hard-boiled madness. 

While you’re there… 

👍️ A quick DLR or bus ride will take you to the National Maritime Museum, Cutty Sark and Old Royal Naval College. 

👍️ Talking of Cutty Sark… for the final time this year, you can climb the rigging if you want to!

👍️ … And be sure to check out this brand new soundscape (and immerse yourself in the sounds of the sea) while you’re there.  

👍️ After doing all the boaty things, you can straddle the Prime Meridian Line – the home of Greenwich Mean Time – at the Royal Observatory. (There’s LOADS of other things to do at the Royal Observatory; check it all out here.)

4: Discover (and eat) the burger collab no one saw coming

Wingmans Soho x Krabby Patty Kollab
Saturday and Sunday from 12:00 (and every day until 27 October)
29–31 Old Compton Street, W1D 5JS
Price unclear, but expect to pay around £13 for the burger and £5 for fries (based on the regular menu)

When a chicken shop starts selling beef burgers, there are two possible reasons: either there’s been a salmonella scare or an opportunity to make megabucks. 

In this case, the latter is true. Paramount & Nickelodeon “got in touch” with the famously beef-free eatery and invited them to participate in the “Krabby Patty Kollab”, shunning all the actual burger joints our city is practically famous for.

It’s to celebrate the 25th birthday of Spongebob SquarePants, and is supposed to be inspired by the iconic burger sold at The Krusty Krab. In the States, the official Krabby Patty partner is Wendy’s – which makes far more sense because WENDY’S IS ALREADY KNOWN FOR BURGERS! 

I do have to admit, though, that the UK version from Wingmans sounds far more delicious: “smashed aged beef patty dripping with bone marrow braised onion caramel, topped with American and Monterey jack cheese, yellow mustard, pickles and Wingmans’ secret sauce, and served with seaweed fries”. (The offering at Wendy’s is a burger with cheese, lettuce, pickle and onion, plus a “top-secret sauce”.)

The venue was giving out 300 free burgers the other day, but you missed those because it happened on a Tuesday and I don’t cover Tuesdays (sorry). You’ll have to pay full price now, but at least it’s not a salmonella special – just a big money move in disguise.

Find out more: https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=1078185007647102&set=a.757678679697738 

While you’re there… 

👍️ If you haven’t already done so, pop into the redesigned and refurbished National Portrait Gallery and check out the Herbert Smith Freehills Portrait Award (FREE). The Portrait Award “showcases the very best in contemporary portrait painting”. Anyone aged 18+ can enter, and this year the judges decided that 50 entries (of 1,647 in total) were worthy of being exhibited. From those 50, the judges chose winners for first, second and third prize, and gave a Young Artist Award to someone so young and talented that I automatically resent them.

👍️ And DEFINITELY get [Van] Goghing (I’m sorry. I’m so sorry) to the once-in-a-lifetime exhibition at the National Gallery. Van Gogh: Poets & Lovers brings together some of his best stuff from around the world: Sunflowers (lots of them), Starry Night, Van Gogh’s Chair, A Wheatfield, with Cypresses, and more. I visited a few weeks ago and I’m still raving about it. 

5: Attend a busload of ghoulish family workshops 

The British Library Family Workshops
Sunday 20 October, various events all day
The British Library, 96 Euston Road, NW1 2DB
FREE 

You wait ages for one to arrive, and suddenly THREE brand new family events happen on the same day at The British Library. They’re all Halloween-themed of course, but I’m just surprised because we haven’t seen much kid-related stuff from the library in ages. 

Tbf, the library has had a lot to deal with recently, so we can forgive them for neglecting our offspring for a while.  

Here’s what you can attend for free (note that ALL events are nearly fully booked): 

Magical Moths (11:00–12:30 and 13:30–15:00). Meet Marnie the moth from the Marnie Midnight book series – created by Laura Ellen Anderson (the author behind Amelia Fang!). Learn to draw the pupils of Minibeast Academy, then invent your own magical moth peg doll character using different patterns and materials. 

Creepy Creatures (11:30–12:30, 13:30–14:30 and 15:00–16:00). Turn your drawings into spooky Halloween creations with the help of James Turner – the artist behind Clatters and Bump and Star Cat. You’ll also get to ask questions and vote on something (not sure what!). 

Mysterious Monsters (12:30–13:30). Help design new terrifying creators with Thiago de Moraes, the author and illustrator of Myth Atlas and Let Sleeping Gods Lie. 

Find out more: https://thebritishlibraryfamilyevents.seetickets.com/search/all (but it’s best to visit the pages of the individual workshops above, as not all the times are available from this one)

Extra! All the other stuff going on this weekend

There’s SO much to do, so I couldn’t end after just five activities. Here are a few more hits: 

Explore a world of cardboard creatures and take home your creations

Boxville (show)
Sunday 13 October, 14:00
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, Tally Ho Corner, N12 0GA
Adults and children £12

Join a live planetarium show about ancient and modern Chinese astronomy

Chinese Astronomy show
Saturday 19 October, 10:30
Royal Observatory, Blackheath Avenue, SE10 8XJ
Adults £10, children £5
Under-5s won’t be admitted

Design, build and draw using projections, fabrics and UV lights 

Sensory Friendly: Design and Draw with Light (sensory friendly workshop)
Saturday 19 October, 11:00–16:00
V&A South Kensington, Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL
FREE

Go raving (and get your face painted) 

Hotsy Totsy Family Rave
Sunday 20 October, 10:00–13:00
Big Penny Social, 1 Priestley Way, E17 6AL
Adults and children £7

See with yours ears at a performance that requires headphones

Toto Kerblammo!
Saturday and Sunday, various times
Unicorn Theatre, 147 Tooley Street, SE1 2HZ
Adults £17.50, children £14.50