📚 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (12–13 October)

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Hey, fellow DiLFs! 

Well that went well! Last week I announced that I’d put together a list of over 140 Christmas events and activities that are available to book now – across categories including shows, pantomimes, carol concerts, grottos, markets, ice skating and more.

And LOADS of you clicked to access it immediately (thank you)! 

If you’d like to do the same, here’s the all-important button: 

All I ask is for a small donation of £3 in return. (This works out at about $3.93, which is the currency the payment platform works in. You won’t get charged any conversion fees.)

I’ve already added more events and activities to the Christmas List since last week, and I’ll continue to do so until the big day itself. 

Thank you hugely, and have fun perusing! 

Jeff xx

1: Learn the one weird trick that will make you a science GENIUS!

A Periodic Tale with Dr Karl
Saturday 12 October, 14:00–15:15
The Royal Institution, 21 Albemarle Street, W1S 4BS
Adults £17.06, children £10.85

You know those attention-grabbing newspaper headlines where the article itself is depressingly anti-climactic? Like, “This SHOCKING trick will save you money on your energy bills!!!” (article: “turn down your thermostat”) and “WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Taylor Swift’s secret REVEALED!!!” (article: “she loves cheeseburgers”). 

This event is the opposite of that. Calling it “A Periodic Tale” is only marginally less boring than naming a book Transactions of the Royal Historical Society: Volume 13 (which actually exists), and yet the description sounds fantastic. 

In “A Periodic Tale”, Dr Karl Kruszelnicki (an Australian “science populariser” with a few trillion degrees and a National Living Treasure Award from the National Trust of Australia) will help you discover why all the gods of metal-working walked with a limp, how the longest piloted continuous plane flight went for over a month without air-to-air refuelling, how to survive without eating for over a year, how earworms work, and lots more on this whirlwind ride through different science topics. 

I could be wrong but I don’t think tickets are selling out fast: terrible titles have that effect on people. If anyone from The Royal Institution is reading, may I suggest one of the following instead? 

• This one weird trick will make you a science GENIUS!

• EXCLUSIVE: uncover the secret science they don’t want you to know about!

• Survive a YEAR without food? Here’s how!

• You’ll never BELIEVE what Dr. Karl says about earworms!

• The CRAZY science hack you never knew you needed!

Find out more: https://www.rigb.org/whats-on/periodic-tale-dr-karl

While you’re there… 

👍️ Go see Michael Craig-Martin at the Royal Academy! There’s more on this in last week’s newsletter.

👍️ My six-year-old loved the Architecture Wall (free), also at the Royal Academy. 

👍️ On my “Paperclip to Porsche” scale of how much things cost, a sundae from The Parlour at Fortnum & Mason sits somewhere in the middle. So if you think your kids deserve a better treat than the squashed cheese string in your back pocket, go there. The ice creams are insane, the environment is fabulous, and everyone will be in heaven. Until the bill arrives.

👍️ Want somewhere a bit cheaper but just as gustatorally (not necessarily a real word) satisfying? Try Kahve Dunyasi. It’s a Turkish cafe on Piccadilly with some of the best ice creams and cakes my family has ever tasted. As a bonus, the owners there will think your children are delightful – even if they’re objectively horrendous.

2: Explore art that’s way deeper than it looks

Haegue Yang: Leap Year
Saturday 10:00–20:00 and Sunday 10:00–18:00 (plus other dates until 5 January 2025)
Hayward Gallery, Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
Adults £19, children 12–16 £8, under-12s free

The moment I started reading about Haegue Yang, I had a bit of a “wait, what?” moment. Apparently, her abstract art is different from regular abstract art because it has layers of meaning buried inside. But isn't that the whole point of all abstract art? 

Unable to let it go, I WhatsApped Mark Ball, Artistic Director of the Southbank Centre, and asked him to clear things up for me. He replied almost instantly and explained everything in a gratifyingly simple way:

“Haegue Yang’s work has a specific focus on real-world issues – like how people move between countries, how we feel about belonging, or how history affects us. She intends to make you think about real-world problems. Other abstract art can have meaning too, but the focus is often on feelings (like expressing sadness through colours) – and it might not have a specific message or deeper story behind it.”

OK. That’s not what Mark Ball said. It’s what Chat GPT – tasked with assuming the role of Mark Ball – said. Which is pretty much the same thing, right? Identity theft, shmidentity shmweft. 

Back to Haegue Yang. This is her first major exhibition in the UK, and it features a polymathtastic mix of art forms: installation, sculpture, collage, text, video, wallpaper and sound. If you’re the type of person who thinks Degas could have broadened out from ballerinas and Mondrian really started to take the mick with his grids, you can be confident that you won’t feel like you’re watching someone hit “copy” and “paste” on their career with this one. 

Find out more: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/haegue-yang-leap-year/

While you’re there… 

👍️ The Southbank Centre Food Market is held on Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays and bank holidays, and it’s where you’ll find food from Ethiopia, Thailand, Venezuela and more. The market has its own Instagram account because of course it does, and it’s where you can look at some delicious-looking meals in advance.  

👍️ Did you know the Southbank Centre has a permanent pocket forest? Me neither! The Natura Nostra Forest is made up of 390 trees that will “grow over time to create a natural oasis in the centre of London”. (Which leaves me wondering: at what point will it no longer be a “pocket” forest?)

It’s been created using the Miyawaki Method, which allows for quick planting and almost maintenance-free upkeep, and will enable wildlife to exist happily among the concrete. The Southbank Centre believes the forest will be able to capture, remove and store around 450 kg of carbon dioxide every year for the first 20 years of growth. I’ve never visited because I never blimmin’ knew about it, but I plan to go the first chance I get. 

3: Design your own fashion prints (without getting violent about it)

Make it: Fashion
Saturday 12 October, 10:30–16:30
V&A South Kensington, Cromwell Road,, SW7 2RL
Adults and children £10 each

At this monthly workshop, you’re invited to get inspired by the museum’s Naomi in Fashion exhibition and design your own prints for fashion. Whether you want to take your cues from her most recent run-in with the law – or maybe her four convictions for assault – is up to you I guess. 

I jest! I jest! Aaaalthoooough… the great thing about the workshop is that you don’t have to shell out for the Naomi exhibition too. It’s still pricey – £10 per ticket – but seems worth it, as you’ll be able to try out the portable printing press, use print-making inks, and bring your designs to life on fabric. Each session lasts 90 minutes and will be led by the textiles artist Kim Chin. And hopefully it’ll remain a phone-throwing-free zone.

Find out more: https://www.vam.ac.uk/event/1aajyg1WWRB/make-it-october-2024

While you’re there… 

👍️ The V&A has created a family trail that takes you through the best parts (for kids) of the V&A galleries. Find the trail description here.

👍️ The Diana Memorial Playground in Kensington Gardens has a wooden pirate ship (with a beach), sensory trail, teepees, and various play sculptures. It’s so good that it’s almost an insult to label it a playground. I might petition for it to be changed to the Diana Memorial Adventure Kingdom. 

4: Discover a library day with more songs and stories than shushing

Luna Loves Library Day
Saturday and Sunday, 11:00 and 14:30
Polka Theatre, 240 The Broadway, Wimbledon, SW19 1SB
£10–£17 depending on seating

Because this highly acclaimed children’s musical is based on a book by the same name, I assumed the book itself would be wildly popular – with obsessive fans and multiple author appearances in a Julia Donaldson-esque way. Especially as Luna Loves Library Day has been endorsed by Amnesty International, and the author is the Waterstones Children’s Laureate. 

But nope: the paperback version is muddling through on Amazon, with a mere 128 reviews compared to Donaldson’s 17,000-ish for The Gruffalo. 

… So now’s your chance to support the underdog! The story is about a little girl called Luna, who looks forward to Library Day every single week: it’s when she discovers magic among the dinosaurs and mummies on the bookshelves, but also when she gets to spend time with her dad. Through the stories they read together at the library, they’re better able to work through their own feelings and adapt to their new lives in a separated family. 

The musical adaptation is meant to be fantastic – with the songs a key part of the narrative rather than tacked on to make the show more jolly. 

Find out more: https://polkatheatre.com/event/luna-loves-library-day/

5: Embrace all things woo-woo at Eden Dock

Eden Dock
Open 24/7
Eden Dock, Heron Quays Road, E14 4HJ
FREE

I’ve only just become aware of something called Eden Dock in Canary Wharf – a “waterfront oasis of interconnected pontoons and aquatic islands”. 

Other sentences that potentially oversell the place include “Eden Dock is designed to elevate mental and physical wellbeing through the power of nature” and “Creating this connection with people and nature… aims to establish the Wharf as a global example of best practice in curating an urban environment, making Eden Dock a beacon of innovation in city living.” 

There is, to be fair, a lot to see and do in this miniature island – from marine habitats and green-shrouded sculptures to art installations and… origami kayaking (?!!). But it would be detrimental to your connection with people and nature (not to mention your mental and physical wellbeing) to overplan your visit. Instead, just go with the flow, check out what takes your fancy, and return to the Jubilee Line feeling overjoyed to feel so closely connected to your fellow humans at rush hour. 

Find out more: https://canarywharf.com/eden-dock/ 

EXTRA! Design wearable sculptures and parade through Ealing

Family Art Workshops and High Street Parade
Sunday 13 October, 10:30–12:30
Pitzhanger Manor & Gallery, Ealing Green, W5 5EQ
FREE but you’ll need a general admission ticket (adults £12, children 0–15 free)

This event involves “designing and crafting wearable sculptures that reflect Ealing’s natural and built surroundings,” so I thought I should become better acquainted with the place before writing about it. Not by GOING there, heaven forbid: I’m not masochistic enough to deal with the hell-on-rails that is the District Line. (What’s that, you say? “Other lines are available – including your beloved Elizabeth Line.” Oh. Well… I know for next time.)

My research stayed closer to home, and involved looking up facts about Ealing on the internet. And I have to say… this place has a lot of history. For a start, the communist leader Ho Chi Minh hung out here in 1914, working in the kitchens at the Drayton Court Hotel. (His revolutionary war stuff came later, FYI.) It’s also where Spencer Perceval – the only British prime minister to be assassinated – lived. (He was shot dead in the House of Commons, so you won’t find any tourists taking photos of bullet holes or anything.) Most excitingly though, it’s home to the first Nando’s in the UK – a Nando’s that still exists. 

Will these facts inspire you to create “unique and wearable architecture using sustainable and recycled materials”? Most definitely yes for the “unique” part – because I’m almost certain everyone else will either dress up as Pitzhanger Manor itself or will ignore the assignment and turn themselves into a princess. 

If you return to Pitzhanger on Sunday 27 October, you can take part in the High Street Parade through Ealing Town Centre – showing off everything you made during the workshop.  

Find out more: https://www.pitzhanger.org.uk/whatson/open-sundays-october-2024/

While you’re there… 

👍️ Visit the first UK Nando’s, of course! 

👍️ Peer inside the Ealing Club, now called The Red Room – which is where the Rolling Stones formed. (It doesn’t open until 22:00, so you won’t be able to enter. I wouldn’t recommend it anyway: reviews are less than stellar.) It’s a tiny cellar bar opposite Ealing Broadway station and is known for being the pioneer of British blues in the UK.